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Repairing,
Rebuilding and Renewing Relationships
If you are reading
this I am guessing that you may be concerned about your relationship. If so, I
congratulate you for having the courage to explore a site like this for help or
ideas.
See if this sounds
familiar:
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You find that
you and your partner are getting drawn into persistent patterns of negative
interactions – repeating cycles of conflict or avoidance that seem to take
over the relationship.
-
After awhile it
may seem like you can’t have even the simplest conversation or solve the
easiest problem without getting caught in an argument or ending up in a
stand-off of silence.
-
Eventually you
can predict how it will happen. You might even be able to write the
script. But no matter what you try, you can’t seem to break out of the
cycle.
-
As if this
negative cycle was not bad enough, you may find that pain, aggravation and
hurt feelings persist and grow over time in spite of your best efforts to
let them go or “just get over it.”
-
It becomes
harder and harder to feel comfortable and relaxed with your partner – to
share the tender moments of closeness and security that all of us hunger
for. Instead, there is distance, disconnection, or tenseness that fills the
empty space between you.
-
On top of all
this, there may be painful history between you. Perhaps it was a past
affair whether physical or emotional, a felt betrayal, a time of loss or
disconnection when one of you needed the other and they were not there.
Regardless of facts, or logic or time, these hurts persist and contribute to
the distance, the disconnection and the reactive negative cycle that takes
over, keeping you from the one you most want to be close to.
Does any of this
sound like your story?
If so, you are not
alone. And, there is hope.
Emotionally
Focused Therapy for Couples
Emotionally Focused
Therapy (EFT) is a scientifically verified model of couple therapy that has been
shown to be among the most effective methods to help couples who have a wide
variety of difficulties and issues. The ultimate goal in EFT is to both help
partners to reduce conflict and distance as well as to regain and strengthen
their loving and secure bond.
EFT is:
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A scientifically
validated model of couple therapy that has been shown to be effective even
with highly distressed couples. 90% of couples report feeling at least some
improvement in their relationship.
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Based in
attachment theory and the emerging science of adult love. EFT recognizes
the need we all have for reliable attachment in our intimate relationships
and assumes that secure attachment with our partner helps us manage stress.
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An experiential
approach that creates change through the identification and expression of
needs for accessible and responsive emotional connections. Emotions are
emphasized because they show us what is important to us and move us to
action.
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A growth
oriented method that focuses on individual and couple strengths and relies
on the fact that we all have an inborn drive to improve and develop healthy
relationships.
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A collaborative
system that relies on couples to be the experts on their own experience.
The therapist serves as a consultant, working to help the partners
recognize, describe and connect their internal experiences to their
interactions with their partner.
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Focused on the
here and now. Even though history often plays a role in how we learn to
relate to others, therapy focuses on the emotionally driven interactions in
the present.
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Emotionally
engaging, even able to help men who, by the influence of our culture, are
often less adept at touching and describing their emotions.
Resources on
relationships and EFT:
Attachment Style
Questionnaire
A free and fast assessment of your style of attachment. This is a useful
tool to better understand what parts of your relationship connection may be
difficult or easy for you. Print your results and take them to your counseling appointment.
http://web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl
Hold Me Tight
A dynamic book for couples written by Sue Johnson, PhD., the founder of EFT. An excellent
resource for couples in therapy or considering it.
http://holdmetight.net/
The International
Center for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy
An extensive and informative website filled with information about EFT
worldwide, including videos, books and educational programs.
http://www.iceeft.com/
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